I cant wait to stop thinking about Elden Rings Living Jars and not in a wholesome way. Yes, I was struck along with their little arms and legs while striving to pinch their clay cheeks like some over-familiar, boundary-ignorant grandma.
I see them for the ceramic horrors they are, as Milkshake Ducks with broken corpses instead of racism. Despite trying to put them out of my mind, and temporarily leaving LEGO Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga for more wholesome, youngling-juggling shenanigans, nightmare fuel simply continues to flow, even if Im away.
It was the battle with Starscourge Radahn and his small, tiny, horse that enthused me into Jars'' true nature. When I saw Alexander, Warrior Jar, wandering the battlefield, noticing him more times than was strictly healthy. Finally, after a few mundane conversations, he dropped this bombshell:
There''s a huge mountain of warriors'' bodies right here. If I can just squeeze this bunch down inside me, I''ll be a powerful warrior again in no time.
Alexander, what a great job, and good luck with the day to go.
I admit, there are some things I missed out on, and I''d have assumed that Alexanders more aggressive brethren would, periodically, dump a raw meat dumpling when dispatched. I completely shouldnt have eaten it, but I thought it was a random loot, subject to the same warped RPG logic that, in other games, includes rats dropping gold coins.
But, no, what I had shoved down my protagonists face-hole was a glob of human flesh. Even though From Software have stopped short of making them slosh when they move, the horrifying truth of Elden Rings Living Jars is that these adorable pots are buried with the ruined and decaying remains of fallen warriors, bodies, and body-parts alike.
This one thing is quite awsome, yet it raises so many questions only a few of which have been completely resolved. For example, take the bloodstains, which demonstrate how another player died. Yes, what youe seeing occurred in a parallel universe, right? If the real reason is that the Living Jars descend on them, greedily grasping their lifeless flesh, shoving handful after a wet handful beneath their lids.
Imagine this youre laying bleeding but living on some battlefield, the skirmish itself long after ended. Fighting the pain, you fall along the ground, seeking something, or anything you can do to prolong your miserable life. If you can make it that far, maybe you can. and thats when the Jars begin to arrive.
The remains of a fallen comrade are picked up by a couple at first. Then you hear in horror as they crack open his skull, holding the brain aloft like a treasured relic. But the sound is sickening enough that, fearing the fate that awaits you, you struggle to climb to your knees.
When you spy the squat, rotund figures standing a few metres, their inscrutable faces, or whatever blank stretch of jar serves as a face, trained on you, and you know youre not leaving here alive. Maybe they wait for you to breathe your last before they sink their clay claws into you. Maybe they do.
And that, believe it or not, isn''t the worst of it. Living Jars believe that by harvesting the flesh of the dead they gain their knowledge and those fighters live on through each Jar. Yes, you have to spank Alexander out of a hole, but a visit to Jarburg, the home of the Living Jars, confirms its existence as a result of my smash-on-sight policy.
Many great warriors reside within me, constantly dreaming of becoming a great champion... one day, we''ll be a single great champion. The greatest of them all! he answers, and his explanation is simple: Any perceived improvement in combat skill is a placebo effect.
What if they are right, and by scooping someone into their insides, they give them access to their experiences and knowledge? The Elden Ring Wikis Living Jar entry, which I pretty sure is written by a Living Jar, works to sell it as a touching form of immortality, as does, in some cases, the game itself.
Is it possible to get it? Not in a million years. Elden Ring is a bit confused about whether or not The Lands Between are, themselves, a sort of afterlife. Imagine ending only to discover that instead of wandering the Elysian Fields, youre part of a tasty semi-sentient sludge or, if the Jar in question is vast enough, your broken corpse is crammed in alongside a dozen others.
If youre lucky, you might be able to communicate with your fellow doomed souls, but unlike Jordan Peeles'' great Get Out, youd have little influence on the vessel that was now your prison. Even the death of your host would not guarantee you release; as one Jarburg quest discovers, Jars can pass their insides around, meaning that you might be around for hundreds, maybe thousands of years.
I am a huge horror aficionado, which may well be why my mind has gone down this particular rabbit hole. Elden Rings certainly is not short on horror; one monster is just a group of people grafted together, and your protagonist can die as thorny vines burst out of their torso, lifting their skewered corpse off the ground. However, Elden Rings Living Jars are so fantastic, nightmarish designs that, like Doctor Who''s Wee
Although I doubt the Jars were from Hidetaka Miyazaki''s or his collaborator George R.R. Martin, I suspect they were the first. What I can tell you is that the Living Jars have popped into my head, including disturbing hand-me-downs, and they will not leave anytime soon.